I don’t even know if anyone really even reads this other than Anna, who I talk to like very single day. So I think that is why I really don’t update this very much.
I have a new life, my friends that I had in high school don’t even take the effort to even call me or even write me. I did for a while, but then I just got tired of always being the one who made the effort. So I am done now, I would love to still talk to all of you. But Anna is the only one who really cares.
Tiffany; you and I were really good friends, what happen? I really have no idea. I never really understood you, but I tried so very hard to. I love ya girl I always will. If you do want to talk to me. You know how to get a hold of me. Maybe try doing that sometime.

Laura....you have always been a different type of person, and I love you for that. You never cared what anyone thought of you and you just went on and did whatever the hell you wanted to do. You seem so very happy with...well I don’t know his name. But keep on truckin’ kid. Be happy. I will be moving to Florida to go back to college, so maybe we can se each other again.

Crys, I am so worried about you, I hope you are doing alright over there in Jerusalem. You are in my prayers.

Today my great grandmother pasted away

I sit here thinking about things that I have done in my life and things that I still want to do in my life.
I have recently graduated college, and now I have no idea what to do. I have never been in this situation. I do not know if I am ready for the real world. I am only 19 years old I still need to be a kid, experience new things.
I want to go back to college, but I really do not think that I will be able to do it by myself. Throughout my past few years of college I have had some people in my life that have pushed me to do my best and have been there for support. They have been a group of spectacular people, and I do not want to lose or leave them.
Right now at this moment in my life there are so many things that I could do, and want to do.

The day has come. I am done with college. Which to most would be pretty damn exciting, but for me it is not so exciting. I am really going to miss my seeing my friends every single day. Yeah we don’t live far away from each other, but we all have our lives. Now that school is done it is like i really don’t know what to do.

I have not written in here in a while so i will tell you what has been going on with me, but like usual it really isn’t much. Basically for the past month or so i have been getting ready for my portfolio show.

On that note the show was awesome. It was a really long day, but it was fun. My very good friends Johnny and Nicholas got awards. Nick got the best advertising and John got best of the best. Which was best of everyone. I am so proud of them. Yes it is sad that none of the rest of us won, but in a way we all did because we are all a group and what one person works on, everyone works on.

After the show we all went out to eat one last time at our restaurant. APPLEBEE’S !! best place in the world to eat. Then after that we all went over to Johnny’s house and got really drunk. It was a blast. :) i love them guys they are so fun. Everyone was so drunk.
Nicholas was so drunk. He has this thing, he wakes up really early in the morning and comes and sings to me. This Damn army song it is so annoying. But this time it was really funny because he was so drunk. He couldn’t even walk. He went upstairs and pasted out on the kitchen floor. I don’t know why, he just did.
So much went one I can’t even write about it.

The weekend before that we were over at John’s too, I was so drunk I had the spins man. It sucked.
well i am going to go to bed now....

I am a college senior; crazy huh? It is really weird. I really don’t know how to feel. It is all just to weird. I really don’t know what I am going to do. I don’t know anything other than going to school. That is all I have done for 16 years of my life. I am not very excited to get out into the real world. Sometime I wish I could just go back in time and do things over and over again.
They say that they friends that you make in college will be your friends forever. I believe that to the fullest. There really is only a few people that I talk to from high school. One really...you know who you are....ANNA. I wish i talked to more of my friends, but I just don’t have time. And to be honest I don’t think I really want to talk to anyone else.

Tiffer’s I love ya to death, we have been friends for ages. I really miss talking to you. I really do. You have always been there when no one else wanted to talk to me. When my grandma would go to Florida, i would come and stay with you. We were like sisters for the longest time. I really miss that. Remember when we were writing all over your walls with that glow in the dark lipstick? Your step mom got so pissed...oh well we were having fun. Or how about all the youth gatherings...those were so fun:)...i miss you to death. I don’t even know you anymore. I don’t know what you do. How school is going none of that stuff and i feel so fucking bad because I don’t have time to come see you.

I sit here thinking about all my classmates and wondering what they are doing. And really most of them are not doing much, but getting pregnant...BUT ANNA I LOVE YOU AND RYAN...SO YOU ARE AN EXCEPTION:)

The friends that I have made in college are awesome, and I wouldn’t change them for anything. They motivate me and I do the same for them. We mix so well together. It is just weird because they say that there is no one out there like you, but in a way I think that my friends are like me, but yet they are totally different.

I mean look at Anna, I honestly think that in our past lives we were sisters or something. Or came from the same rock. Yes we have had our really bad times. But no matter what I will never let Anna go. She is always going to be apart in my life. Yes she went off and got married, but I will always be here. I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE AND NEITHER IS SHE.
She has all the answers for me. She is my left hand :). LOVE YA ANNA.

Well I am just blabbing on and on...i am going to go now...

I am so sorry to those of you who don’t get to talk to me anymore. I know I need to talk to all of you, but I never have time anymore. I have 3 weeks to get my portfolio together and 4 weeks till I graduate from college. Crazy huh. But don’t think that do not think about you guys because I do all the time. I miss being able to just walk out my door and go and see my friends. But no its not like that anymore NOT at all and it sucks major ass.
A lot of the people that I used to hang out with are still stuck in the high school years. Its like grow up a bit. I cant stand that. I mean what is the point. All the years in school everyone was always like “oh i. cant wait to be out of high school”, well your ass’ are still stuck in high school.
The people that I want to talk to most are far away.

Oh and I have to say this. Kelly Meyer you need to grow up just a bit. You still lie, why? its not cool. Become a woman. You are a mom now. I really hope Carissa does not get that half of you. I really hope she is like Brent, but then again that may be bad too. Brent is such a wonderful person. But yet he has to put up with your lying. I really hope that one day you tell him the truth.
The reason why I am saying this is because of the fucking Mary Kay shit. Ya know I tried to be a friend and help ya out a bit, but no, it it can not work that way with you. You could have just told me that you were not going to send everything out right away. You said you send a second package oh yeah my ass. Why the hell would you send out $200 worth of make up and say that I could keep it along with the first package. Such bullshit.
You do not do business that way. You don’t cash someone check and not make sure that your clients have the products. That is not how it works girlie.

Oh and stop the bragging about Carissa. Yes she is very adorable, but really and truly not everyone wants to hear that stuff constantly.

I really can not handle school right now. I went home and saw my friends and I think that was the best thing ever. I miss everyone so much. It was crazy, everyone kept on running up to me and giving me hugs. It was weird, because when I was home and I saw them everyday it was like yeah okay whatever. But now that they do not see me ever I think that they actually realize that they miss me. I don’t know. It was weird. There were few people that I didn’t get to see and you know who you are. Short shit, why were you not there. I have not seen you in forever and I really wanted to see you. A lot of people have changed, they have changed a lot. I honestly do not think I know who they really are anymore. But maybe I really never did know who they were. Who knows, I don’t.
But yeah the school thing. Totally stressed out. Okay, major stress-outage. It sucks, I don’t sleep anymore. Well like I really slept before. But now I go days with out sleeping. Yeah I only have 2 months left, but these 2 months are very very crucial and they are killing me. I have 10 weeks to put y portfolio together and I have no clue what I want to put in it. I have confidence about my work, but now that it is getting to the end it is like I don’t like any of my work. It all sucks. And a lot of my stuff is not anything that I want to do when I am out of school. I don’t know anymore. I don’t know what to do.
And to top everything all off I AM BROKE AS HELL and it pisses me off. All the money I have goes towards getting my stuff printed. I mean 20-30 bucks per jobs adds up to a lot of money, seeing that I will be having 15-25 pieces in my portfolio. I AM GOING CRAZY. I need some sleep. I need sex. I need a lot of stuff and it just is not happening. Well I am out.
Peace, love, and hair grease ya’ll.

I know I have not written in here in a while so I kinda have a lot to put in here.
So things that have been going on in my life lately. Well I started up college again. I’m a senior in college. It is crazy. I really never thought this day would come. I am so excited. I do not think that it has completely hit me yet, but it will.
Another thing that is going on in my life is that I wrote to sharon osbourne, and she wrote me back. Isn’t that crazy. She has her own show now, and I am going to be on it. I wrote to her to tell her that I did some art work of her and her family and she wants it. Well she has it now. I mailed it to her last week. And now tomorrow I get to talk to her. I am so happy. I never thought that some one famous would have my work. It’s just nuts. HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANNA!!! I just had to say that. I am in such a ahh right now because of all the things that are going on in my life. My mind is going a million miles a minute. It’s crazy

I am almost done with the week. 3 more classes to go and I am a free woman; only for 2 weeks or so, but that is okay. Because I need a break from school bad. I miss my friends back home. I miss not having to do stuff. I miss everything.
Sometimes I just wish I could go back in time, change things that I did, or didn’t say. Tell people how I felt all that stuff.
I look at some of my friends from back home, and it is really weird, because they have kids, or are in the processing of. They are married, they have their lives kinda planned out for them. They have that special someone.
I am not saying that their lives are bad, because they are not. I just wonder what it would be like if they were not married and had kids. What would they be doing. Where would they be?
I have to get back to my projects.

This is dedicated to a certain someone.
P.S. Look at what song I am listening to, too!

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just wish you could just pick then from your dreams and hug them for real !!
When the door of happiness closes, another opens; but often time we look so long at the open door that we don’t see the one which has been open for us.
Don’t go for looks; they can deceive. Don’t got for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile, because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that make your heart smile.
Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you humble, enough hope to make you happy.
The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that we take our breath away.